let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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