We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
