i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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