If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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