I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
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Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
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If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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