Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
