Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
