Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
