I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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