I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
send nudes
from the living room?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
