I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
