you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
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It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
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I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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