i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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