Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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