in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
