Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
