She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
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