Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
