Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
