wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
