And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
