well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
