did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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