i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
