Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
