He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
