I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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