You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.