I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
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The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
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No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds