i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
