just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
