where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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