I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
