Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
