Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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