Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
