dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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