the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
