dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
