yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I have post one night stand depression
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