peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
