idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
