you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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