my vag is so smooth its legendary
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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