I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
