That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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