she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The best revenge is premature balding
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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