u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
