They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
