I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I am naked and annoyed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
