this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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