rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
