i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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