i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
