You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
