a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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