well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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