youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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