I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
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Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
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I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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