There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
