You're completely useless in the revolution.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
