I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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