Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
