just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
