can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
