I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
