So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
