the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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