I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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