***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I didn't notice because vodka
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
