Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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