Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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