i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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