That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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