there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
