Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize