so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
