If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
