Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
