i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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