I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
